TOTGA: The Higher Kind of Love

Even at this stage in a woman’s life, there are quiet moments of reflection—

times when we look back and remember those who

once passed through our hearts,

leaving behind soft imprints.

This is the story of my “TOTGA.”

Most people know TOTGA as “The One That Got Away.”

It’s often a phrase soaked in nostalgia, tinged with regret.

But for me, with the passing of time and the clarity that faith brings,

TOTGA began to take on a new meaning.

A higher one.

One I didn’t understand until years later.

A Quiet Crush and Goofy Beginnings

Back in college, my sister and I rented a room from a kind landlady.

She had wonderful sons—one of them stood out.

He was quiet, respectful, and in my eyes, the most attractive.

We were about the same age, and our schools were right next to each other.

Let’s call him Mr. TOTGA.

Each morning, I’d glance out the window to check if Mr. TOTGA 

was leaving for school.

If he was, I’d time my exit just right—

because more often than not, he’d offer me a ride

(yes, I shamelessly took those opportunities!).

One day, he asked me out to dinner.

It turned out to be one of the goofiest dates ever—his car broke down,

and the evening didn’t go quite as planned.

We tried going out again, but every attempt ended in some kind of mishap.

And then one day, I saw him with another girl.

I didn’t ask questions.

I simply took it as a sign from God—

or maybe the universe—

that it wasn’t meant to be.

And so he became, quietly and permanently, my TOTGA.

A Surprise Reunion

Years later, during my season as a single mom, we reconnected.

To our surprise, we lived in the same state—close enough to meet.

We decided to catch up over coffee.

When I saw him again, I was struck by how much he had grown—

not just in appearance, but in presence.

He was still attractive, now with a bit more weight and

a more grounded demeanor.

I’m sure he had his own thoughts about seeing me again, too.

We talked about everything—our families, our journeys.

I told him about my boys,

about the road I had walked, and the grace that carried me.

He shared about his work as a military doctor, his lovely wife,

and their beautiful children.

But the most striking thing wasn’t his career or even his family.

It was the way he talked about God.

With reverence. With gratitude. With genuine faith.

A Shift in the Heart

As he spoke, I noticed something shift within me.

It wasn’t longing.

It wasn’t regret.

It was peace.

I felt grateful—truly happy—to see him thriving, anchored in purpose,

surrounded by love.

There was still a fondness in my heart, but it had changed shape.

No longer romantic. No longer wistful.

It was deeper.

Freer.

Holier.

And in that sacred moment, I heard a quiet whisper in my spirit:

"He is not the one that got away. He is the one that God assigned."

God assigned him a place in my heart—not to possess,

not to pursue—but to pray for. 

To cover him and his family in prayer, to rejoice in his joy,

and to be a quiet intercessor from a distance.

A Higher Kind of Love

That coffee date taught me something I never expected:

There is a kind of love that transcends romance.

A love that hopes more for someone's eternity than their proximity.

A love that says, “I’d rather see you in heaven than see you with me.”

This is the kind of love God calls us to. A love that sees beyond desire.

A love that lets go and lifts up.

A love that prays.

TOTGA, Redefined

So yes, he was my TOTGA.

But not “The One That Got Away.”

He became… “The One That God Assigned.”

And for that, I am deeply thankful.

"They weren’t ‘the one that got away’—they were ‘the one that God assigns.’ Not to stay forever, but to shape, stretch, and prepare us for something greater. Every soul we meet carries a divine purpose, even if it’s only for a season."